No One Can Take It

So I've been trucking right along with work, right?  My attitude adjustment seemed to have made just the difference I was needing.  Things were going well, work was flowing, and I thought I'd achieved the change I was looking for, a change that took place right at my same job!  My supervisor had agreed to let me try a new work schedule where I could work early hours 2 days a week and start at 8:00 am Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I was stoked!  At the same exact time my company began working with a completely new platform that was actually pretty awesome.  It sped up productivity and had lots of neat features that helped me get better line counts.  And, like I had told my supervisor, having to work while my kids were getting ready to school was not efficient and my stats showed me to be "inactive" over 30% of the time I was supposed to be working.  Within the first 2 weeks of my new schedule I had whooped that down to a super-duper 8.8%!  That was fabulous!  However, it seems like every bit of good news is clouded by some bad.  The same day I got my new stats, I received word I'd made what my company so doomingly calls a "never event."  It is something my company doesn't tolerate and really broke my spirit.  My supervisor has been on vacation until tomorrow so I won't hear exactly what my punishment will be, but if I make any more mistakes within a 90 day period I'm gone.  Just like that.  Needless to say I'm heartbroken.  My company has a group of hospitals they contract with that require "never event" guidelines that are a list of mistakes we can't make.  For over a year I was petrified of making one and felt like I was working with a gun held to my head, but the last 6-9 months I'd let my guard down.  I'd prayed for God to help me not worry so much and be able to work without the fear and after I took that to the alter, He so lovingly and graciously answered that prayer.  I walked away from church that night with a weight off my shoulders.  So, for the past at least several months I've been working with less fear and anxiety.  I think I kind of lost awareness of something along the way.  Maybe I was careless.  I don't know.  What I do know is my job is once again in jeoprady.  Yes, it's no secret I've been looking to change jobs lately, but this is not how I wanna go out.  I don't want to get fired.  I would much rather leave on my terms, i.e., another job waiting in the wings!  So, I've had a few days to think it over while I wait for my boss to return and let me know what I'm looking at.  I've decided I have to just do what I do and get through it.  I will be more aware of those dreadful guidelines and do my best to put my best self out there and work to the best of my ability.  God still may open that door for me and find me an out, but until then I want to be a good MT and do the job right and make my company proud.  So, I'm blogging once again for therapeutic purposes.  You probably don't care about all this stuff and I don't blame you.  Just know that I'm possibly at a crossroads here and the way I go may already be chosen for me, and I don't mean by God because I know He knows the path I need to take, but I mean my company may hold the decision in THEIR hands.  This I am sure of 100%...whatever happens, God isn't surprised or shocked.  He already knew it and HE WILL GET ME THROUGH IT. 

As I end I want to just mention that my little Ruthie Belle is one sick girl tonight.  It's Sunday night, 6:41 pm.  She wasn't herself this morning, but we went to church anyway for our special Worship Event to kick off our Beyond Measure capital fund raising campaign.  She wasn't running fever so I figured she was good to go.  She was a little whiney and her little normal bright face was a little on the pale side.  She managed to make it through, but her tummy got the best of her as soon as we got home.  She'd struggled with some tummy problems the last 24 hours or so but had a break while we were at church.  This afternoon she played and had a good time, but had to hit the bathroom many times.  She went downhill as the day progressed so we stayed home from church while Travis and Sophie went without us.  Since 5:00 she's had more bathroom visits and now is running 100.5 fever.  She's laid on the couch whining drinking some ice water saying her mouth hurts and now she's drifted off to sleep.  I am hopeful she'll sleep tonight anyway and at bedtime I'll give her some ibuprofen.  I'm also hopeful that "mouth hurts" doesn't mean she's developing Strep.  Oh, please don't let that be the case!  So, just remember her in your prayers tonight if you don't mind.  If you know Ruthie Belle, you know how vibrant and alive she is.  Tonight, however, she is listeless, uncomfortable, and just not herself.  Praying God will heal her little body tonight of whatever she's fighting. 

God Bless.  I'm gonna hang in there and keep the faith, something that NO ONE can take away from me.