Seasons Change
It's been 10 months since my last entry and I have to wonder why...why has it been so long? Maybe it's because life just gets so busy that I really can't find the time to sit down and type for pure release. Yes, my regular job is a typing job, one that I've been doing for 20 years come this May (except I took a year off to sew my oats and work at Mother's Day Out and help my awesome husband with his home inspection business), but all in all, I've been typing over half my life now! It's a job, so there are days when I literally hate to sit down at this computer and put my Beats on. And, depending on what doctor comes up first thing in my morning, I'm either ready to snap someone's neck or I can actually squeeze out a little smile on my face because it's not a fast talker, foreign talker, food eater while he/she dictates, one who won't correct their obvious mistakes while talking...I can go on and on here. But, the point was to emphasize how long I've been typing for a living. It's been a long time. It's all I know, more or less. However, last year at the end of February my husband and I decided to take the plunge and we purchased a used embroidery machine (a 6 needle to be exact) so I could try to move away from the transcription life. I didn't actually start embroidering until March 2015, but once I did it began to pick up. I found an awesome gig working for Hays and then later in the year moved into a wall booth at The Bees Knees. Between those two venues and people bringing me things at church or dropping things off here at the house, my business bloomed and blossomed. During the months of October through the week of Christmas I was so busy I could barely breathe! It's a great problem to have, though, I tell you. I was so happy in the midst of losing my mind. But, as all things have to come to an end, after Christmas the business came to a halt. Yes, I'm still finding work here and there, but it's become obvious to us both that embroidery, at least for me, will not become a full-time job or even a transcription replacement. And, I'm okay with that. There's something fun and exciting about embroidering and come end of summer 2016 I'm sure I'll be rocking again. It'll be a seasonal kind of thing and that will be okay with me. God has blessed me beyond measure and I cannot complain. If it's His will for it to become more than what it is, then He'll make that happen. Until then, I will enjoy what projects come my way and will be anticipating this fall and holiday season!
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I find myself reflecting on some struggles I've had over this season of late fall and winter. I've always known I have mild depression and now my nurse practitioner has decided it's likely I have what's called Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is what the name implies...as the seasons change, and in my case, summer turns to fall and winter, I tend to struggle. There's something about the colder weather, the darker days, that make my emotions change and not adapt as well as other people can. That doesn't come as a surprise to me since it's a real pattern that has presented over the past years. It's nice to know I'm not crazy (well, at least certifiably). And it's also nice to know that when spring decides to show up here in this crazy state called Arkansas, my affect will brighten. Most days I want to stay in the house and do nothing. I find myself fatigued and having a hard time staying awake, so I tend to nap frequently throughout the day. And yes, that does interfere with my life. I'm not particularly fond of having to waste my day sleeping on the couch or in the pick-up line at Westside, but my body shuts down and sleep is the only thing that will keep me going. And honestly, I think a lot of people don't realize I actually have a real job here at home where I type for four hours a day five days a week. I'm guessing they wonder why I step out in my sweats and baggy shirts a lot and tend to wear a cap all the time. And, I'm guessing they guess right...most of the time I just don't care to make an effort to dress up. Just a year and a half ago I was running and exercising daily and doing 5K runs...even with the new Run For God class going on at church, I can't bring myself to do the work and exercise. I call it a funk that I'm in. I know I'm in it and frankly, I just stay in it. It's so much easier to withdraw from activities and people and just stay here where I know I'm safe and warm and it doesn't matter what I'm wearing or how good I'm performing. Pitiful, I know...I'm a grown woman...I'm old enough to know it's not healthy to allow myself to stay in such a situation, but it's the easy thing to do. I keep telling myself that when spring gets here and it gets warmer outside I'll get out...I'll exercise...I'll run again...I'll feel better...I'll look better. I read God's word still, but I'm not into it like I know I should be. I know my true help lies within His word. My prayer is that I will make the time for Him and His guidance and word. That way I can be on the right track before the seasons change. With Him the transition can be more tolerable...more welcoming...more therapeutic. As a Christian, I know this. Now putting my faith into action...that should be my next step.
Friends, I know we all have struggles of some kind. Some of us are struggling with our emotions and feel like no one understands what we're feeling. Some of us may be going through some rocky paths in our marriages. There may be some of us who are having trouble with a strong-willed child or a wayward child. Many are facing the failing health of our older parents. Maybe it's a job change or a job loss that's weighing heavy on some. There are countless situations out there that we or someone we know are dealing with. We're all in this together. My problem may not be yours, but we're both experiencing something right now. Let us be mindful of that and not be so quick to judge others (I'm talking to myself here, too). How about we say a prayer for each other? God hears the prayers of His children and welcomes those prayers. Let's do it. Let's make the effort to do it. Life is nothing but changing seasons and with each change we can either give up or try to hold on. As for me, I'm gonna try a little harder to hold on this time.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I find myself reflecting on some struggles I've had over this season of late fall and winter. I've always known I have mild depression and now my nurse practitioner has decided it's likely I have what's called Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is what the name implies...as the seasons change, and in my case, summer turns to fall and winter, I tend to struggle. There's something about the colder weather, the darker days, that make my emotions change and not adapt as well as other people can. That doesn't come as a surprise to me since it's a real pattern that has presented over the past years. It's nice to know I'm not crazy (well, at least certifiably). And it's also nice to know that when spring decides to show up here in this crazy state called Arkansas, my affect will brighten. Most days I want to stay in the house and do nothing. I find myself fatigued and having a hard time staying awake, so I tend to nap frequently throughout the day. And yes, that does interfere with my life. I'm not particularly fond of having to waste my day sleeping on the couch or in the pick-up line at Westside, but my body shuts down and sleep is the only thing that will keep me going. And honestly, I think a lot of people don't realize I actually have a real job here at home where I type for four hours a day five days a week. I'm guessing they wonder why I step out in my sweats and baggy shirts a lot and tend to wear a cap all the time. And, I'm guessing they guess right...most of the time I just don't care to make an effort to dress up. Just a year and a half ago I was running and exercising daily and doing 5K runs...even with the new Run For God class going on at church, I can't bring myself to do the work and exercise. I call it a funk that I'm in. I know I'm in it and frankly, I just stay in it. It's so much easier to withdraw from activities and people and just stay here where I know I'm safe and warm and it doesn't matter what I'm wearing or how good I'm performing. Pitiful, I know...I'm a grown woman...I'm old enough to know it's not healthy to allow myself to stay in such a situation, but it's the easy thing to do. I keep telling myself that when spring gets here and it gets warmer outside I'll get out...I'll exercise...I'll run again...I'll feel better...I'll look better. I read God's word still, but I'm not into it like I know I should be. I know my true help lies within His word. My prayer is that I will make the time for Him and His guidance and word. That way I can be on the right track before the seasons change. With Him the transition can be more tolerable...more welcoming...more therapeutic. As a Christian, I know this. Now putting my faith into action...that should be my next step.
Friends, I know we all have struggles of some kind. Some of us are struggling with our emotions and feel like no one understands what we're feeling. Some of us may be going through some rocky paths in our marriages. There may be some of us who are having trouble with a strong-willed child or a wayward child. Many are facing the failing health of our older parents. Maybe it's a job change or a job loss that's weighing heavy on some. There are countless situations out there that we or someone we know are dealing with. We're all in this together. My problem may not be yours, but we're both experiencing something right now. Let us be mindful of that and not be so quick to judge others (I'm talking to myself here, too). How about we say a prayer for each other? God hears the prayers of His children and welcomes those prayers. Let's do it. Let's make the effort to do it. Life is nothing but changing seasons and with each change we can either give up or try to hold on. As for me, I'm gonna try a little harder to hold on this time.
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