Plan In Progress

Sometimes it's just plain hard trying to act like you've got it all together, that everything is just peachy keen!  You know, I wonder if sometimes you can actually see me physically cracking right before your eyes?  Funny, right?  Well, maybe.  This waiting for another job opportunity to come along has proven to be way more difficult than I had first anticipated.  Maybe I was crazy to think I'd post a few resumes, take a few typing tests online, and whammo!  I'd have a new job!  I guess so because this journey has been far from that.  I've taken I don't know how many typing tests, posted dozens of resumes, and have either heard back no, not right now, or just plain ole nothing!  It's hard to keep from doubting myself, my abilities, my skills at what I do, but I'm trying my best to keep a positive attitude and to truly believe it when I say that I know God has a plan for me and is working behind the scenes to prep me for the next step in my journey.  You know, my next job may not even be in the transcription field.  I'm guessing it is, but maybe I'm wrong.  I do know that I want to remain at home until Ruthie Belle starts the big K next fall, then I would consider out of the house work.  But, summers at home are a must.  I can't do day care for the girls in the summer.  So, maybe I'm meant to stay at the job I have right now and something will change with it, like maybe my boss will have second thoughts and let me try that schedule change I basically begged on my knees for.  Or maybe the answer will come in the form of me not working period at anything other than being a mom, a household manager, a maid, cook, organizer, seamstress...a shop owner wannabe...only God knows the answer.  I just wish sometimes He could just drop me a text saying something like, "Wake up, lol!  Stop trying to do my job for me :)  I'm much better at it than you, so let me just tell you what to do.  Just go ......"  That would be sooooo great if He could do that.  But, I know why He doesn't talk to us like that, or why He doesn't just holler down with a booming voice what has to be so obvious to Him.  He wants us to rely solely on Him, trust Him and that He is in control and wants what it best for us.  And I do, God.  I do trust that and know that.  My humanness (if that's even a word) makes me struggle with what I know to be true and what every fiber in my fleshly being wants me to think.  Whatever it is, I know it will be worth waiting for.  Everything from God is good.  So whenver I discover what His plan is for me, there's no doubt it will be clear and probably like, "I never knew it could be this great!" 

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